This topic is one of the easiest, yet most miserable to write! Ack! Here goes...
Right after Philip and I were married and during our last year of undergrad, we decided to move to Washington DC for a semester to pursue internship opportunities. (Philip ended up going to OPIC, and I went to the Department of Veteran's Affairs). My life's existence at that point had been in a small town of 10,000, so moving to the big city was HUGE for me! I was flying high at the thought I would be a real 'city girl' by the end of the semester.
My internship placement was facilitated by a internship program at one of the District's Universities, which specialized in placing minority students. The first day the program's group of 10 met, was my second day in the District...and I was running late from trying to figure out the two-shuttle bus system from our housing to the campus. (Philip and I lived in housing different from most of the other students.) Anyway...I was late, so I missed introductions. (This is an important piece of the story.)
(Seriously, my heart is pounding re-living this...)
So I walk in late, and sit down, and immediately the instructor goes into directions for the icebreaker...we are to take an index card, draw a picture of something that describes ourselves and pass it to the person on our left. The person on my right drew a generic happy face...like the Wal-Mart happy face...
(if you feel so inclined, let me know in the comments how YOU would've described that!)
So I accept my challenge and get started...
'"A" is a very happy person...she likes simple things....' (snickers from the other eight start bubbling up), but I continue 'she...etc, etc'
I honestly have no idea what else I said, but when I finished "A" was nice enough to let me in on the fact that 'she' was actually a 'he.' He also enlightened us on his belief in a third gender concept, and that he didn't like putting labels on himself...hence the generic smiley face. Awesome.
I know I sincerely apologized to him in front of the group, but I spent the rest of the day (following dismissal from our classes) crying and mortified, and unable to even THINK about going back the next day. Philip and my mom both laughed at my gaffe, but clearly this was not even CLOSE to being funny to me yet (it still kind of isn't!)
I did go back to the group, and eventually found myself out to dinner with them a few weeks later, when they finally let me in on a little secret that most of us hadn't been privy to that first day. "A" was a cross-dresser...and he spent most of his weekends in DC going to clubs dressed as a woman. (He even showed me his foam butt implants!) In addition, he made a very beautiful woman!
That first (disastrous) day I saw him, he had long wavy black hair that fell to his back and the most immaculately groomed eyebrows. His clothes were not at all gender specific, just jeans and a t-shirt, and he wasn't necessarily tall or muscular in the way we may think of a typical male. His name was a unique name that wouldn't have given clues to his gender identity in any way (the name he gave to the class wasn't his actual birth name, btw, and this was something explained BEFORE I made it to orientation). I don't think anyone else would've had a clue coming in late to the class...at least I hope. I think I was more horrified by the fact that I potentially embarrassed HIM and made a fool of my small town self in the process.
In the end it all shook out. As we had lunch later on in the semester, he never made me feel bad about what happened, and in some ways I wonder if he didn't take it as a compliment that I thought he really was a woman. The entire situation was an eye opener to concepts in gender and sexual orientations that I'd never considered, and to this day I feel like it helped me to be a more open and compassionate person to those struggling with accepting themselves. "A" still inspires me with his courage to be himself...or herself...or perhaps something in between.
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