Here Comes the Son

So, I mentioned a while back that I experienced a miscarriage at the beginning of November.  It was my first ever pregnancy - a complete and beautiful blessing for us, and something we'd been waiting over a year to finally happen.  I mean, Philip and I were just over the top excited.  We couldn't wait to share the news with our family and closest friends, so you can understand the devastation was something that I couldn't quite grasp for (what felt like) a really long time.

I kind of went a little crazy trying to soak up answers - why did this happen? where was God in all of this?  what does this mean for me and things I believe?  I did a LOT of journaling, a lot of reading and even more praying...even when it didn't feel like I was saying much in my prayers, I am certain God was soaking up every inch of my heartache.  Bless Philip's heart, he heard me ramble over and over about how confused I was, how sad I was...I think he was probably dreading every time the two of us had a few quiet moments because I would bring up that tiny little life we lost too soon.  One particular evening in early December, we were driving home from some event downtown, and (no surprise here) I was feeling particularly sad and wistful over our loss.  The Beatles' 'Here Comes The Sun' came on satellite radio. You know the one - it's a catchy little tune sung by George Harrison.  It's been one of my favorite songs for a long time, but as I heard it this particular night the words consumed me:

'Little darling, it's been a long, cold lonely winter'

'Litttle darling, it feels since years since its been here'

'Here comes the sun'

'Here comes the sun'

'It's alright'

That was exactly how I felt - like I was in the midst of a long, cold lonely winter.  It didn't feel like there was an end in sight, yet the comfort and the hope of 'it's alright' stuck with me.  I didn't hear that song much over the next few weeks, but this song is notorious for getting stuck in my head, so I wasn't surprised when I would randomly start singing it. 

Fast forward to January 11th - Philip and I were gearing up for a pretty social weekend with a dinner date on Friday and our monthly dinner party with friends on Saturday.  Having just taken a pregnancy test on New Year's Eve, I figured I was in the clear, but a little nagging feeling kept at me, so that Friday morning of the 11th I took another test to ease my mind a little bit.........and lo and behold, two lines popped up.  I couldn't believe my eyes - total and complete shock!  Seeing as how I was convinced these symptoms were all in my mind - not at all planning on getting a positive result,  I had waited to take the test until Philip had already left for work.  He was a little confused as to why I would call him so soon after he left, but I couldn't possibly wait to try to surprise him in a completely original way.  I basically just blurted out, 'I took a pregnancy test and it was positive!'   

He was pretty shocked as well, but I could hear his smile over the phone. I was cautiously overjoyed to put it mildly.  We agreed right away that we wanted to keep the news just between the two of us until we knew we were in the clear, so for several agonizing weeks we waited and prayed and saw the doctor.  

The doctor got me in to the office rather quickly to confirm the pregnancy and gave me an order for an ultrasound whenever I was ready.  I was so nervous to schedule that appointment and pretty much waited until the last minute to make the appointment.  I was scared beyond measure of having a repeat of November, but God is good, and bless it's little heart, the heartbeat was just a flickering away!  Talk about a flood of relief...I could let myself get excited!  They dated me at six weeks, four days, with a due date of September 22nd.  We are going to have a baby!

We shared the news with our families following the ultrasound, and everyone was ecstatic..and very surprised!  Baby and I took very good care of ourselves and at each appointment and ultrasound, a little piece of my fear and worry has been chipped away.

Last week we went for the 'BIG' ultrasound...the ultrasound where you find out whether you'll be parenting a boy or a girl.  Philip had been convinced the entire pregnancy it would be a boy, and I, based on those scientific wives' tales (just kidding) just KNEW it would be a girl.

At 10:32,  we found out that we were for certain having a BOY.  (Mama was a little shocked! haha! But very happy!)

Griffin should be joining us in the latter half of September, and we couldn't be more happy!

Here Comes the Son :)