The Finish Line and Lessons Learned

Cue the sad trombone....

I didn't finish the challenge - in fact, I totally lost it there at the end!  Oh well...Jenni says she hopes to do another one in September or October, so (fingers crossed its September...) maybe I'll be able to tough it out then.

I did learn a thing or two from the challenge though...

The sky is the limit with posts!
It doesn't have to be something that is happening at this very instant in your life.  You don't have to recap your day or make it relevant to the present time.  Anything from your past (memories, songs, childhood, etc) all make for great topics, and it's really not as irrelevant as we might think when we're trying to put words to it. I enjoyed trying to brainstorm a memory and digging deep to verbalize those feelings and details that I'd long forgotten.

It's okay to be honest!
I struggle with this a lot because I don't want to offend anyone...and I don't want to air any dirty laundry out there either, but there was something so liberating about being able to get on my soapbox about something you may or may not have known I was passionate about.  I think I get so caught up in trying to please everyone that I am maybe not as true to what I want to write about as I am if someone gives me the license to do so.  The dirty laundry will probably stay in the closet though. :)

Practice makes perfect!
The more I write posts, the more I feel confident about them.  I love that part in the 2005 version of Pride and Prejudice where Darcy tells Elizabeth (as she's playing the piano terribly on the insistence of Lady Catherine) that speaking to people he doesn't know well doesn't come easily to him, and she replies, 'Perhaps you should take your Aunt's advice and practice!'  I think of that a lot when I start feeling whiny about my photography or my writing.  It can only go up, right?

Take more pictures!
Cue that last one - I desperately need to practice this...I guess I haven't gotten over being somewhat self-conscious about carrying around a camera, and I also am lazy to be honest.  I take a lot of pictures, but uploading them is a whole other story...our London pics are still on the camera and have yet to be uploaded to the computer...and that was back in April!  I also keep feeling like I want to be the best or take the perfect picture, and so I tend to avoid it because I believe it isn't going to be good the first time around.  Dumb.

Routines are the best!
I really enjoyed having a morning routine where I went for my walk and then came back to write a post (usually the next day's post).  There is a lot to be said for having a set time to do something because you tend to be so much more productive then you might be if you kept trying to squeeze it in somewhere.  This may just be the key to keeping up the blog on a regular basis.

Anyway, if you're thinking about getting into blogging, that would be my initial advice.  I'll be caught up volunteering all of next week, so I may or may not get a post out, but let's hope the routine starts to take shape the week after!

Happy Weekend!

Catch Up: Every Day in May

This has been one heck of a week, and in all honesty I'm so glad to see it go.  Monday was pretty intense between my SIL being caught up in the Moore tornado and my FIL being hospitalized, and the rest of the week was a whirlwind of hospital visits, prayer vigils, and trying to keep up with prior obligations I had going...needless to say, the blog fell by the wayside! I am really disappointed too because I had a pretty good groove going there!  On one hand I didn't think it was really appropriate to be posting when there was so much to do, but on the other hand, it might have been good for me to have an outlet.  Either way, I'm going to try to do a Reader's Digest Condensed version of the last week's posts.  So get ready....

Tuesday May 21: A list of links to your favorite posts in your archives.
So this one is easy because my previous blog is now private, and I really don't have enough built up in my archives to list some favorites.  But I'll try to repost some of my old stuff that I really liked soon.

Next.

Wednesday May 22: Rant about something. Get up on your soapbox and tell us how you really feel.
Okay, this might not be as Reader's Digest as I would like.  And let me preface this by saying that I am a Christian, I spend a lot of time being involved in the Methodist church and I still hold my Catholic faith very close to my heart.  So here goes...my biggest peeve/thing that makes me angry is when people use their religion to spread ugliness and hate out in the world - specifically toward those people who practice other religions and lifestyles (i.e. those of other sexual orientations). Growing up Catholic in a primarily Protestant (I'm not going to be specific about which denomination) town, I was subjected to a lot of judgement and at times bullying about being Catholic.  As an adult I still see this, but it has since grown to include demeaning other world faiths: Judaism, Islam, etc.  As I grew older, I started witnessing a similar strand of hate when it came to a group trying to put in place a 'Denim Day' in support of the LGBT population within my University.  Thankfully there was no violence, but it did not go down well at all.  I'm not saying you have to agree with these religions or lifestyle choices, but I don't think bullying anyone or making them feel inferior about their religious or sexual orientation is in ANY WAY right.  Nowadays it's the politicians and their religious ideology that really drive me bonkers, but that's really a whole other pet peeve that would take WAY too long.

Thursday May 23: Things you've learned that school won't teach you.
School didn't teach me how to manage family conflict or how to resolve difficult situations with difficult people.

Friday May 24: Your top three worst traits
This feels slightly revealing...
1.  I'm really hard on myself - be it my weight, hair, skin, motivation, relationships, I just don't want to give myself a break.  Philip is on me all the time to stop being so hard on myself, but it's a hard rhetoric to change.
2.  Lack of confidence - This began early on in my life, and it still haunts me today. I think I'd probably be in a completely different place in my life if I forced myself to be confident and take some leaps of faith.
3.  I worry what other people think - This is really an 'Older Child Syndrome' thing, and rounds out the other two worst traits into a nice little 'lack of self esteem package.'  But worrying what people think is a huge theme in my life, so much so that it doesn't do me any favors other than a constant worry about who and why someone is mad at me.

Saturday May 25: Something someone told you about yourself that you'll never forget (good or bad)
One of the members of my immediate family asked me when I was seven years old why I couldn't be more like Stephanie Tanner on Full House.  Steph was always happy, bubbly and funny and in a good mood while I, on the other hand, was struggling with anxiety, had lots of tears and stomachaches (the anxiety was in the midst of manifesting as ulcers in my stomach) and apparently was a very miserable seven-year-old to be around.  Needless to say this comment was not helpful, and at 30, I still remember the conversation vividly.  Oddly enough, Jodie Sweetin, who portrayed Stephanie Tanner, would become a recovering meth addict. I, on the other hand, feel like I'm a pretty well-adjusted adult.  So there.

Sunday May 26: Something you read online. Leave a link and discuss.
After taking what felt like forever to get pregnant, my mindset on having a preference on gender went by the wayside. I'd always wanted a girl, but now I didn't really care what I would have - I just wanted a baby.  BUT, when we went in for our BIG ultrasound at 18 weeks, I was shocked to hear I would be having a boy! To be honest, it scared me a little bit because I just wasn't sure I would be good at the whole 'boy' thing.  But I read a post by Joanna Goddard, and it really helped calm my fears.  Additionally Sarah Tucker has written a few posts on the topic that I found very comforting.
Cup of Jo - On Having a Boy
Fairytales are True - Letters to Tuck Vol 2
Sarah Tucker on What to Expect When You're Expecting blog - On Being a Girly Girl...


Thanks for hanging in there with me on this long post/challenge catch up!!

Pray for Oklahoma

Image from here

I had a whole post typed out and ready to be submitted for yesterday's challenge, but after about 3pm yesterday, my struggles really didn't seem to matter in the grand scheme of things.

If you are from Oklahoma you know that a devastating tornado hit the city of Moore yesterday afternoon.  If you are not from Oklahoma, I imagine you are seeing pieces of it on national news stations.  Moore is a suburb of Oklahoma City, just south of the heart of Downtown Oklahoma City.  It's a city that was hit 14 years ago on May 3, and suffered extensive damage.  We lost 44 people in the Moore area in 1999, but yesterday's storm has proved to be much, much worse.  As of this morning, the death toll is at 24 and continues to rise.  In the midst of all of the destruction were two elementary schools where children were trapped and some still remain missing.

I was on the phone text messaging my sister-in-law who works as a teacher at Highland East Junior High in Moore most of the afternoon.  She, other teachers, administrators and the students had taken cover and were waiting for the storm to hit.  The tornado hit their school, but thankfully no one was injured. I have never experienced a terrifying fear of losing someone so deeply...and I can't even begin to comprehend the experience for those parents awaiting news of whether their children's lives were lost or saved.

It is a sad day in Oklahoma today, and we have some hard work ahead of us.  But like my friend Annie said yesterday, '...Oklahomans always answer the call.  Rich or poor - - it doesn't matter.  We give. We help. We pray. And no state does any of those things harder and better than Oklahoma.'  And we have. In a matter of hours, a local news station raised over $30,000 in addition to two semi trucks full of supplies.  The line for this drop off when all the way to the highway and stayed that way well into Monday night.  Police stations, Fire and Rescue trucks and EMTs from all around the state have come in to help with rescue and recovery efforts.  We will always wake up after a storm with an optimism that Oklahomans can take on anything because we can.  You're doin' fine, Oklahoma.


If you would like to help with the efforts toward relief and recovery, I offer the following resources:

To help out the American Red Cross Disaster Relief, donations can be made through their smart phone apps, visiting redcross.org, dialing 1-800-REDCROSS or texting REDCROSS to 90999 to make a $10 donation.  You may write a check payable to Oklahoma Relief - Red Cross to ensure the money stays in Oklahoma.

Text FOOD to 32333 to give $10 to help with relief efforts to the Food Bank of Oklahoma

If you live in Oklahoma and can make it to the metro area, News 9 Studios is accepting donations of specific items at 7401 N. Kelley Ave in Oklahoma City.  Items needed include water, gloves, boots, toiletries, power bars and Gatorade. Cash will also be accepted (make checks payable to Oklahoma Relief - Red Cross)

And of course, prayer is pretty big around here...and if you can keep Oklahomans in your thoughts, we would be grateful.

Blog Every Day in May: Favorite Bloggers

Day 19: Five of your favorite bloggers and what you love about them.

Five of my favorite blogs...easy-peasy..

1.  You already know this, but Aspiring Kennedy is the first blog I check every day.  And you also already know why I love her so much!

2.  Fairytales are True is usually the second blog I check every day.  Seriously, Sarah Tucker is pretty much the sweetest Southern Girl.  She exudes elegant taste, good manners, and a beautiful heart. She's recently become a brand new mom to Tuck, who is just about the cutest baby ever!

3.  Story of My Life...yep, number three on my list of blogs I read each day.  Jenni has such a fantastic way with words and some of the most beautiful photography.  I love that she's real without overly sharing. I still love reading her, but I especially enjoy her posts because she's married without kids.  That seems to be hard to find in blogland these days!  She's also the force behind the Blog Every Day in May Challenge, so you have her to thank for my more consistent blogging this month!

4.  Across the Pond - I found Across the Pond through both Aspiring Kennedy and Story of my Life, and boy is this a gorgeous blog...not just in photographs of Meg's expat life in Scotland, but in Meg and her new husband Stephen themselves! Seriously they should be models!!  Meg's life is a great read, with some of my favorite posts have been her recent small wedding in Scotland.  They're working hard to move back to the US, so I wish them luck in that process!

5.  Sara in Le Petit Village - Sara actually found me on my former blog, and I've really enjoyed her life as an expat in France!  She cracks me up with her posts on life in France, her family and her precious dog Fifty.  I love how she captures the culture of France while maintaining her American roots.


So that's what I read pretty regularly! If you have a blog yourself, leave your blog address in the comments section because I'd love to follow your musings!

Blog Every Day in May: A Childhood Storm

Day 18: Tell a story from your childhood. Dig deep and try to be descriptive about what you remember and how you felt.


It started with those ominous dark clouds. Clouds so deeply blue they could only intensify the green leaves on the neighborhood trees. There was no dimension to that darkened sky, no birds flew among it, just the quiet rumble of the storms in the distance.
My mom picked me up from first grade in her silver Nissan Maxima, my one year old brother in his car seat in the back. We went straight home to turn on the television so we could keep an eye on the miniature county map of Oklahoma in the bottom right corner of the screen. Various boxes (counties) would be highlighted in shades of white, green, and sometimes red over the course of the evening, and that familiar three beep alarm would sound on the television signaling Gary England would be giving an update as to the track of the storms and the potential for tornadoes.
We went about the evening as usual. Dinner of hamburger helper, canned green beans and bread as the storm loomed. We had rain, but nothing more, despite the wash of yellow signaling a tornado watch for most of western and central Oklahoma.  The night sky fell as the wind began to pick up. The three beeps sounded on the television once more.
'This is an update for you folks in Western Oklahoma, particularly the counties of Caddo, Custer, Dewey and Washita counties. A severe thunderstorm alert has been issued for you all with the risk of heavy rain, lightning, hail, and high winds, with the potential for tornadoes in the area. Be prepared to take your tornado precautions. We'll keep you advised.'
The wind picked up still and the rain and hail came in harder. There was barely a break between each rumble of thunder.
Three more beeps sounded.
'The National Weather Service has issued a tornado warning for you folks in Custer county. Take your tornado precautions at this time. Get below ground immediately.'
At that point the tornado sirens began to blow. The whirling sound of them mimicking my stomach as my anxiety about the storms took hold. It felt like a roller coaster ride.
'Heather, put your shoes on,' my mom said to me. As she and my dad gathered up my brother, I looked out the window to see the Bradford pear tree in my backyard seem to swirl and violently wave from side to side through the rain and lightening.
My mom ushered us into the car as my dad grabbed a few items from inside the house. We were all buckled in with the car running when my dad came outside. In his panic he'd forgotten to close the door to the house, so he had to run back and shut it. I remember feeling panic that at any time we would see the tornado touch down on our house. Images of straw being driven into trees flashed through my mind like I'd seen in my dad's Weather book. Would my house be among rubble when we returned home?
We drove down Davis road toward my grandparents house. The power lines were bobbing up and down as the rain continued to beat down, the windshield wipers racing to catch up.
My grandparents met us at the door and we crossed the street to their neighbors house because they had an indoor basement. It was a tiny basement, and I remember sitting on my grandmothers lap in a 1960's style barstool to ride out the storm. The radio kept us up to the minute on the progress of the storm. It didn't take long for it to blow through.
Once the storm subsided we headed home, my parents a little weary from the rush and the panic. My brother slept the whole time, while I was an odd mix of wired and tired.
Although my home wasnt wrecked like I'd imagined, the storm had done some significant damage. About two days later workmen began re-roofing the house as we'd suffered some hail damage. Everything else was fine, even my favorite Bradford pear tree in the backyard.  We would even get a visit from Gary England and his 'Terrible Twisters' show a few months later to show storm footage and remind us how to take proper storm precautions. (My dad would take me since I wanted to see someone from TV.. The priorities of a six-year-old...)
I would still feel that whirl in my stomach anytime the tornado sirens blew in the years after that incident, but now it doesn't bother me much. We still take our precautions as needed, and we are glad to have a built in storm shelter in the event something more serious does stir up in the atmosphere. Gary England still does the weather, and still keeps us advised.

Blog Every Day in May: A Photo

Day 17: A favorite photo of yourself and why.

So this is my grandmother and me at Cafe Lalo back in October 2011.  Philip surprised me by planning a trip with my grandparents to NYC, which was a awesomely sweet thing for him to do.  Back when I was growing up, my grandmother and I were super close (I actually call my G's Mom and Dad...long story) Anyway, Mom told me when I was younger that when I graduated high school she would take me anywhere I wanted to go.  The answer was always NYC.  Fast forward to my graduation in 2000...my parents had decided to separate, and in the middle of all of that my college tuition was due.  Instead of taking me to New York, Mom had to paid my first semester college tuition...so we never got to go.

I told Philip that when we were planning our honeymoon back in 2004, and he remembered all that time.  So when we had enough money put back, he brought up this grand idea to take Mom and Dad to New York since Mom and I hadn't gotten to make that trip.

We had a blast, and it is one of the best memories I have. So the reason I love this picture is because I'm in my favorite cafe, in my favorite city, with three of my favorite people...a picture can capture so much.

PS> If you missed Day 15, you can find it here, and Day 16 is here

Blog Every Day in May: Something Difficult

Day 16: Something difficult about your 'lot in life' and how you are working to overcome it.

This is where it starts getting personal...

When I think about 'lot in life' it makes me think of having difficulties with your health or finding a job or needing money, etc...things that are mostly out of your control.  For me, I feel grateful that I haven't had to experience some of those.  While I have suffered with infertility, my husband's health being compromised from that blood clot a few weeks ago, and struggled with finding a job years ago, I never felt like those were things I couldn't get myself out of...each time I felt like there was an action plan in place that I could follow.  But as I really forced myself to think about my 'lot in life' and something I've struggled with throughout my entire life, my relationships with other people came into clear focus.

Basically I feel like my lot in life is failing relationships.

Ouch...that one hurt a little bit.

I'm not talking at all about my marriage.  In fact, it is the one shining moment in a laundry list of messed up scenarios.  I'm not sure if Philip is eternally patient or if he just 'gets' me the way others may not...who knows, but God knows Philip has blessed my life in about a zillion different ways, and I am so lucky and possibly undeserving to have him as my friend, confidante, cheerleader, and life partner.

But, once again, I digress...

Let me just say without getting into the nitty-gritties of my sides of the stories that this track record not only includes friends, but also family members, and unfortunately at present time I can list out about three family members who aren't technically speaking to me, and an additional four that being around them sends me into a tailspin of anxiety.  Even as a therapist, I am at a loss as to what to do about these situations.

I can understand that friendships come and go in a natural progression - interests change, people change - and sometimes you chalk it up to not being on the same wavelength as that friend when you first met and you seriously believed you'd met your kindred spirit.  Most of the time geographical distance and shifting priorities are to blame, which is normal.  In these scenarios you hope the other person decides that the friendship is worth fighting for and you create a new normal, which may mean more work to actually MAKE it work...and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  But if you find yourself suddenly receiving the silent treatment and you don't know why...that's where it starts to get perplexing.  And while we tend to think blood is thicker than water...it doesn't always work that way in some families.

So...what am I doing to fix this? Well, in all honesty, nothing.  I've tried reaching out and that hasn't been received well, and I avoid putting a third party in the middle at all costs because I don't think that does much for anyone - especially the third party.  More than anything right now, my exercise has been to stop caring so much what people think because I'm never going to please everyone...which, for a perfectionist and people pleaser like me, is a struggle each day.

I read a great quote by Gwyneth Paltrow in USA Today this week, she said:
'I'm a real lightening rod.  People project a lot of stuff onto me. It's nothing to do with me.  I don't read stuff about myself. I feel like it's none of my business.'

So that's the approach I've been trying to take.  Unless I know I've done something to deliberately hurt someone, I have to understand that it's probably not about me.  Their feelings and what they think about me are really none of my business.  If I've tried to help the situation and can't do anything else about it, then it's up to me to change the way I look at it.  (There's your Viktor Frankl again!)

I hope I'm not the only person that struggles with these things...but I am so thankful that I've been blessed in the ways that I have, and I think when we are aware of our blessings and the things we can be thankful for, we can live such a rich life no matter our 'lot in life.'


PS> In case you missed Day 15 (A Day in the Life), check it out here.