Catch Up: Every Day in May

This has been one heck of a week, and in all honesty I'm so glad to see it go.  Monday was pretty intense between my SIL being caught up in the Moore tornado and my FIL being hospitalized, and the rest of the week was a whirlwind of hospital visits, prayer vigils, and trying to keep up with prior obligations I had going...needless to say, the blog fell by the wayside! I am really disappointed too because I had a pretty good groove going there!  On one hand I didn't think it was really appropriate to be posting when there was so much to do, but on the other hand, it might have been good for me to have an outlet.  Either way, I'm going to try to do a Reader's Digest Condensed version of the last week's posts.  So get ready....

Tuesday May 21: A list of links to your favorite posts in your archives.
So this one is easy because my previous blog is now private, and I really don't have enough built up in my archives to list some favorites.  But I'll try to repost some of my old stuff that I really liked soon.

Next.

Wednesday May 22: Rant about something. Get up on your soapbox and tell us how you really feel.
Okay, this might not be as Reader's Digest as I would like.  And let me preface this by saying that I am a Christian, I spend a lot of time being involved in the Methodist church and I still hold my Catholic faith very close to my heart.  So here goes...my biggest peeve/thing that makes me angry is when people use their religion to spread ugliness and hate out in the world - specifically toward those people who practice other religions and lifestyles (i.e. those of other sexual orientations). Growing up Catholic in a primarily Protestant (I'm not going to be specific about which denomination) town, I was subjected to a lot of judgement and at times bullying about being Catholic.  As an adult I still see this, but it has since grown to include demeaning other world faiths: Judaism, Islam, etc.  As I grew older, I started witnessing a similar strand of hate when it came to a group trying to put in place a 'Denim Day' in support of the LGBT population within my University.  Thankfully there was no violence, but it did not go down well at all.  I'm not saying you have to agree with these religions or lifestyle choices, but I don't think bullying anyone or making them feel inferior about their religious or sexual orientation is in ANY WAY right.  Nowadays it's the politicians and their religious ideology that really drive me bonkers, but that's really a whole other pet peeve that would take WAY too long.

Thursday May 23: Things you've learned that school won't teach you.
School didn't teach me how to manage family conflict or how to resolve difficult situations with difficult people.

Friday May 24: Your top three worst traits
This feels slightly revealing...
1.  I'm really hard on myself - be it my weight, hair, skin, motivation, relationships, I just don't want to give myself a break.  Philip is on me all the time to stop being so hard on myself, but it's a hard rhetoric to change.
2.  Lack of confidence - This began early on in my life, and it still haunts me today. I think I'd probably be in a completely different place in my life if I forced myself to be confident and take some leaps of faith.
3.  I worry what other people think - This is really an 'Older Child Syndrome' thing, and rounds out the other two worst traits into a nice little 'lack of self esteem package.'  But worrying what people think is a huge theme in my life, so much so that it doesn't do me any favors other than a constant worry about who and why someone is mad at me.

Saturday May 25: Something someone told you about yourself that you'll never forget (good or bad)
One of the members of my immediate family asked me when I was seven years old why I couldn't be more like Stephanie Tanner on Full House.  Steph was always happy, bubbly and funny and in a good mood while I, on the other hand, was struggling with anxiety, had lots of tears and stomachaches (the anxiety was in the midst of manifesting as ulcers in my stomach) and apparently was a very miserable seven-year-old to be around.  Needless to say this comment was not helpful, and at 30, I still remember the conversation vividly.  Oddly enough, Jodie Sweetin, who portrayed Stephanie Tanner, would become a recovering meth addict. I, on the other hand, feel like I'm a pretty well-adjusted adult.  So there.

Sunday May 26: Something you read online. Leave a link and discuss.
After taking what felt like forever to get pregnant, my mindset on having a preference on gender went by the wayside. I'd always wanted a girl, but now I didn't really care what I would have - I just wanted a baby.  BUT, when we went in for our BIG ultrasound at 18 weeks, I was shocked to hear I would be having a boy! To be honest, it scared me a little bit because I just wasn't sure I would be good at the whole 'boy' thing.  But I read a post by Joanna Goddard, and it really helped calm my fears.  Additionally Sarah Tucker has written a few posts on the topic that I found very comforting.
Cup of Jo - On Having a Boy
Fairytales are True - Letters to Tuck Vol 2
Sarah Tucker on What to Expect When You're Expecting blog - On Being a Girly Girl...


Thanks for hanging in there with me on this long post/challenge catch up!!

Pray for Oklahoma

Image from here

I had a whole post typed out and ready to be submitted for yesterday's challenge, but after about 3pm yesterday, my struggles really didn't seem to matter in the grand scheme of things.

If you are from Oklahoma you know that a devastating tornado hit the city of Moore yesterday afternoon.  If you are not from Oklahoma, I imagine you are seeing pieces of it on national news stations.  Moore is a suburb of Oklahoma City, just south of the heart of Downtown Oklahoma City.  It's a city that was hit 14 years ago on May 3, and suffered extensive damage.  We lost 44 people in the Moore area in 1999, but yesterday's storm has proved to be much, much worse.  As of this morning, the death toll is at 24 and continues to rise.  In the midst of all of the destruction were two elementary schools where children were trapped and some still remain missing.

I was on the phone text messaging my sister-in-law who works as a teacher at Highland East Junior High in Moore most of the afternoon.  She, other teachers, administrators and the students had taken cover and were waiting for the storm to hit.  The tornado hit their school, but thankfully no one was injured. I have never experienced a terrifying fear of losing someone so deeply...and I can't even begin to comprehend the experience for those parents awaiting news of whether their children's lives were lost or saved.

It is a sad day in Oklahoma today, and we have some hard work ahead of us.  But like my friend Annie said yesterday, '...Oklahomans always answer the call.  Rich or poor - - it doesn't matter.  We give. We help. We pray. And no state does any of those things harder and better than Oklahoma.'  And we have. In a matter of hours, a local news station raised over $30,000 in addition to two semi trucks full of supplies.  The line for this drop off when all the way to the highway and stayed that way well into Monday night.  Police stations, Fire and Rescue trucks and EMTs from all around the state have come in to help with rescue and recovery efforts.  We will always wake up after a storm with an optimism that Oklahomans can take on anything because we can.  You're doin' fine, Oklahoma.


If you would like to help with the efforts toward relief and recovery, I offer the following resources:

To help out the American Red Cross Disaster Relief, donations can be made through their smart phone apps, visiting redcross.org, dialing 1-800-REDCROSS or texting REDCROSS to 90999 to make a $10 donation.  You may write a check payable to Oklahoma Relief - Red Cross to ensure the money stays in Oklahoma.

Text FOOD to 32333 to give $10 to help with relief efforts to the Food Bank of Oklahoma

If you live in Oklahoma and can make it to the metro area, News 9 Studios is accepting donations of specific items at 7401 N. Kelley Ave in Oklahoma City.  Items needed include water, gloves, boots, toiletries, power bars and Gatorade. Cash will also be accepted (make checks payable to Oklahoma Relief - Red Cross)

And of course, prayer is pretty big around here...and if you can keep Oklahomans in your thoughts, we would be grateful.

Blog Every Day in May: Favorite Bloggers

Day 19: Five of your favorite bloggers and what you love about them.

Five of my favorite blogs...easy-peasy..

1.  You already know this, but Aspiring Kennedy is the first blog I check every day.  And you also already know why I love her so much!

2.  Fairytales are True is usually the second blog I check every day.  Seriously, Sarah Tucker is pretty much the sweetest Southern Girl.  She exudes elegant taste, good manners, and a beautiful heart. She's recently become a brand new mom to Tuck, who is just about the cutest baby ever!

3.  Story of My Life...yep, number three on my list of blogs I read each day.  Jenni has such a fantastic way with words and some of the most beautiful photography.  I love that she's real without overly sharing. I still love reading her, but I especially enjoy her posts because she's married without kids.  That seems to be hard to find in blogland these days!  She's also the force behind the Blog Every Day in May Challenge, so you have her to thank for my more consistent blogging this month!

4.  Across the Pond - I found Across the Pond through both Aspiring Kennedy and Story of my Life, and boy is this a gorgeous blog...not just in photographs of Meg's expat life in Scotland, but in Meg and her new husband Stephen themselves! Seriously they should be models!!  Meg's life is a great read, with some of my favorite posts have been her recent small wedding in Scotland.  They're working hard to move back to the US, so I wish them luck in that process!

5.  Sara in Le Petit Village - Sara actually found me on my former blog, and I've really enjoyed her life as an expat in France!  She cracks me up with her posts on life in France, her family and her precious dog Fifty.  I love how she captures the culture of France while maintaining her American roots.


So that's what I read pretty regularly! If you have a blog yourself, leave your blog address in the comments section because I'd love to follow your musings!

Blog Every Day in May: A Childhood Storm

Day 18: Tell a story from your childhood. Dig deep and try to be descriptive about what you remember and how you felt.


It started with those ominous dark clouds. Clouds so deeply blue they could only intensify the green leaves on the neighborhood trees. There was no dimension to that darkened sky, no birds flew among it, just the quiet rumble of the storms in the distance.
My mom picked me up from first grade in her silver Nissan Maxima, my one year old brother in his car seat in the back. We went straight home to turn on the television so we could keep an eye on the miniature county map of Oklahoma in the bottom right corner of the screen. Various boxes (counties) would be highlighted in shades of white, green, and sometimes red over the course of the evening, and that familiar three beep alarm would sound on the television signaling Gary England would be giving an update as to the track of the storms and the potential for tornadoes.
We went about the evening as usual. Dinner of hamburger helper, canned green beans and bread as the storm loomed. We had rain, but nothing more, despite the wash of yellow signaling a tornado watch for most of western and central Oklahoma.  The night sky fell as the wind began to pick up. The three beeps sounded on the television once more.
'This is an update for you folks in Western Oklahoma, particularly the counties of Caddo, Custer, Dewey and Washita counties. A severe thunderstorm alert has been issued for you all with the risk of heavy rain, lightning, hail, and high winds, with the potential for tornadoes in the area. Be prepared to take your tornado precautions. We'll keep you advised.'
The wind picked up still and the rain and hail came in harder. There was barely a break between each rumble of thunder.
Three more beeps sounded.
'The National Weather Service has issued a tornado warning for you folks in Custer county. Take your tornado precautions at this time. Get below ground immediately.'
At that point the tornado sirens began to blow. The whirling sound of them mimicking my stomach as my anxiety about the storms took hold. It felt like a roller coaster ride.
'Heather, put your shoes on,' my mom said to me. As she and my dad gathered up my brother, I looked out the window to see the Bradford pear tree in my backyard seem to swirl and violently wave from side to side through the rain and lightening.
My mom ushered us into the car as my dad grabbed a few items from inside the house. We were all buckled in with the car running when my dad came outside. In his panic he'd forgotten to close the door to the house, so he had to run back and shut it. I remember feeling panic that at any time we would see the tornado touch down on our house. Images of straw being driven into trees flashed through my mind like I'd seen in my dad's Weather book. Would my house be among rubble when we returned home?
We drove down Davis road toward my grandparents house. The power lines were bobbing up and down as the rain continued to beat down, the windshield wipers racing to catch up.
My grandparents met us at the door and we crossed the street to their neighbors house because they had an indoor basement. It was a tiny basement, and I remember sitting on my grandmothers lap in a 1960's style barstool to ride out the storm. The radio kept us up to the minute on the progress of the storm. It didn't take long for it to blow through.
Once the storm subsided we headed home, my parents a little weary from the rush and the panic. My brother slept the whole time, while I was an odd mix of wired and tired.
Although my home wasnt wrecked like I'd imagined, the storm had done some significant damage. About two days later workmen began re-roofing the house as we'd suffered some hail damage. Everything else was fine, even my favorite Bradford pear tree in the backyard.  We would even get a visit from Gary England and his 'Terrible Twisters' show a few months later to show storm footage and remind us how to take proper storm precautions. (My dad would take me since I wanted to see someone from TV.. The priorities of a six-year-old...)
I would still feel that whirl in my stomach anytime the tornado sirens blew in the years after that incident, but now it doesn't bother me much. We still take our precautions as needed, and we are glad to have a built in storm shelter in the event something more serious does stir up in the atmosphere. Gary England still does the weather, and still keeps us advised.

Blog Every Day in May: A Photo

Day 17: A favorite photo of yourself and why.

So this is my grandmother and me at Cafe Lalo back in October 2011.  Philip surprised me by planning a trip with my grandparents to NYC, which was a awesomely sweet thing for him to do.  Back when I was growing up, my grandmother and I were super close (I actually call my G's Mom and Dad...long story) Anyway, Mom told me when I was younger that when I graduated high school she would take me anywhere I wanted to go.  The answer was always NYC.  Fast forward to my graduation in 2000...my parents had decided to separate, and in the middle of all of that my college tuition was due.  Instead of taking me to New York, Mom had to paid my first semester college tuition...so we never got to go.

I told Philip that when we were planning our honeymoon back in 2004, and he remembered all that time.  So when we had enough money put back, he brought up this grand idea to take Mom and Dad to New York since Mom and I hadn't gotten to make that trip.

We had a blast, and it is one of the best memories I have. So the reason I love this picture is because I'm in my favorite cafe, in my favorite city, with three of my favorite people...a picture can capture so much.

PS> If you missed Day 15, you can find it here, and Day 16 is here

Blog Every Day in May: Something Difficult

Day 16: Something difficult about your 'lot in life' and how you are working to overcome it.

This is where it starts getting personal...

When I think about 'lot in life' it makes me think of having difficulties with your health or finding a job or needing money, etc...things that are mostly out of your control.  For me, I feel grateful that I haven't had to experience some of those.  While I have suffered with infertility, my husband's health being compromised from that blood clot a few weeks ago, and struggled with finding a job years ago, I never felt like those were things I couldn't get myself out of...each time I felt like there was an action plan in place that I could follow.  But as I really forced myself to think about my 'lot in life' and something I've struggled with throughout my entire life, my relationships with other people came into clear focus.

Basically I feel like my lot in life is failing relationships.

Ouch...that one hurt a little bit.

I'm not talking at all about my marriage.  In fact, it is the one shining moment in a laundry list of messed up scenarios.  I'm not sure if Philip is eternally patient or if he just 'gets' me the way others may not...who knows, but God knows Philip has blessed my life in about a zillion different ways, and I am so lucky and possibly undeserving to have him as my friend, confidante, cheerleader, and life partner.

But, once again, I digress...

Let me just say without getting into the nitty-gritties of my sides of the stories that this track record not only includes friends, but also family members, and unfortunately at present time I can list out about three family members who aren't technically speaking to me, and an additional four that being around them sends me into a tailspin of anxiety.  Even as a therapist, I am at a loss as to what to do about these situations.

I can understand that friendships come and go in a natural progression - interests change, people change - and sometimes you chalk it up to not being on the same wavelength as that friend when you first met and you seriously believed you'd met your kindred spirit.  Most of the time geographical distance and shifting priorities are to blame, which is normal.  In these scenarios you hope the other person decides that the friendship is worth fighting for and you create a new normal, which may mean more work to actually MAKE it work...and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  But if you find yourself suddenly receiving the silent treatment and you don't know why...that's where it starts to get perplexing.  And while we tend to think blood is thicker than water...it doesn't always work that way in some families.

So...what am I doing to fix this? Well, in all honesty, nothing.  I've tried reaching out and that hasn't been received well, and I avoid putting a third party in the middle at all costs because I don't think that does much for anyone - especially the third party.  More than anything right now, my exercise has been to stop caring so much what people think because I'm never going to please everyone...which, for a perfectionist and people pleaser like me, is a struggle each day.

I read a great quote by Gwyneth Paltrow in USA Today this week, she said:
'I'm a real lightening rod.  People project a lot of stuff onto me. It's nothing to do with me.  I don't read stuff about myself. I feel like it's none of my business.'

So that's the approach I've been trying to take.  Unless I know I've done something to deliberately hurt someone, I have to understand that it's probably not about me.  Their feelings and what they think about me are really none of my business.  If I've tried to help the situation and can't do anything else about it, then it's up to me to change the way I look at it.  (There's your Viktor Frankl again!)

I hope I'm not the only person that struggles with these things...but I am so thankful that I've been blessed in the ways that I have, and I think when we are aware of our blessings and the things we can be thankful for, we can live such a rich life no matter our 'lot in life.'


PS> In case you missed Day 15 (A Day in the Life), check it out here.

Blog Every Day in May: A Day in the Life

Day 15's post was supposed to be a 'day in the life' post, but because that particular day was full of shenanigans and craziness, I decided to use Wednesday as an example instead.  Unfortunately that DID put me a day (or three) behind, but I do think it more accurately represents what I do on a daily basis (minus the laundry and all that other brilliant stuff I just know you're dying to see...)

8am - Morning Walk

8:45am Breakfast (usually cereal) coupled with reading blogs and answering emails

1pm:  After poking away my morning, I have a late lunch at one of my favorite places in OKC, The Wedge.  I had their salad/pizza special.  Their spinach salad is to die for, and Pellegrino has become my favorite pregnancy drink of choice.

2:30pm: Antique Shopping/ Nursery Plotting
I headed over to The Rink in Bethany, OK to see if I could find a dresser for a steal to go in the nursery...unfortunately I did not, but I always manage to find other goodies to catch my fancy.  I just love old Pyrex refrigerator dishes! (I didn't buy any though.)

I also really wanted this cabinet, but made myself stick to the task at hand (the dresser). Boo.

4:30: Get home to let these little stinkers outside for a bit...

6:00: The animals and I hang out outside until Philip gets home, and then we get started on dinner.  This particular evening it was grilled filets and caprese salad al fresco.  The heirloom tomatoes around here have been rocking!

8:30pm:  Thunder v. Grizzlies Playoff Game.  Not a very good showing as the Thunder wound up eliminated from the Playoffs.  (I still really can't talk about it...)  But I did stay up the entire game (which meant bedtime at 11:30)

Blog Every Day in May: Ten Things

Day 14: Ten things that make you really happy

I love happy posts...and lists. :)

1.  Seeing Philip's smile when we talk about Griffin and parenthood
2.  Sitting on the deck at the lake on a fall morning with a cup of coffee

3.  Coming away from a really good conversation with a friend
4.  Random texts from friends or family that say something sweet or funny
5.  Being surrounded by good friends for dinner or a party
6.  When Piper lays with me while I read

7.  The kiss Philip always gives me before he leaves for the gym (while I'm still half-asleep)
8.  The Nutcracker ballet
9.  Getting a note or card in the mail
10. Walking in a city I love with no agenda or plan...just discovering

Blog Every Day in May: An Apology

I hope everyone had a lovely Mother's Day! We spent the day having brunch with Philip's family and then my mom and grandmother (and their significant others) came over for a cook out.  I received some sweet baby gifts for Griffin, as well as an antique pitcher of my mom's I've been wanting since forever! It was a good day!

I didn't get Day 12 up yesterday, but it is up today! Lucky you - a two-for-one deal!



Day 13: Issue a public apology.  This can be as funny, as serious or as creative as you want it to be.

I'm sorry...

...to my brother for kissing him so much on his cheeks when he was baby because I know it irritated the heck out of him...and I did it even when I knew it would make him scream. :/
....for answering honestly to my mom when she asked me if I liked her new haircut when I was seven years old.
....when I went through that phase of being mean to my dad at age five.
...for playing cut down wars with classmates when I was in fifth grade...even though I still find a lot of humor in 'your momma' jokes.
...I wrote 'Lisa is a butt' in erasable Bic pen on the wood paneling outside of the junior high. (For what it's worth I paid for it in five friendships and a miserable 6th grade year.)
...for not trying out for cheerleading in JH and not going to a college outside of my comfort zone.
...for not saying yes when you asked me to dance.
...for laughing when that kid farted in my yoga class...that was not nice...and while I'm at it, I should probably apologize for laughing when that other kid farted during prayer during the FBC Superbowl party.
...I didn't say what you wanted to hear when you asked me a very serious question.
...for being aloof the first time I met you and then talking bad about you later to Philip.
...for overreacting.
...for over thinking.
...for not being a better friend.
...for deliberately hurting your feelings because you hurt mine.
...for all the cursing at people who drive the way I wouldn't drive
...for talking so much crap about Thunder opponents...I really should have learned better following those cutdown wars. smh.

I hope you can forgive me...even though I'm pretty sure I won't be able to repent the last two.

Love,
Heather

Blog Every Day in May: What I Miss

Day 12: What do you miss? (A person, a thing, a place, a time in your life)

I'm behind on the challenge by one day, so you get a two for one today! I've been thinking about this one a lot for some reason. I guess I'm just really really happy in the present, so it's been tough for me to remember a time in my life that I miss.  I thought about the summer I spent living with my grandparents between my Freshman and Sophomore year of high school...I thought about my first brush with independence when I moved out of my parents house my Sophomore year of college (loved that time in my life!), but when it came down to it, the last month Philip and I spent living in DC just took the cake...and I have the pictures to prove why!

There truly is nothing like spring on the East Coast.  Living in Oklahoma, we usually go straight from winter to summer, so getting an extended amount of time to enjoy the in between weather, the spring blooms and the National Cherry Blossom Festival was really something.  I looked forward to my walk to meet Philip for lunch every day because I could walk through a park full of flowering trees.  Gorgeous!

This semester is one of my top 10 moments of our marriage because we got a chance to learn to lean on each other, establish our relationship, and be carefree and in love.  It was a blast.

We're lucky enough to get to visit DC often, and I don't believe we'll ever be able to not reminisce about those special months each time we go back!


**All images copyrighted and not for public use

Letters to Griffin

One of my favorite bloggers, Sarah from Fairytales are True, recently had her own baby boy in January.  Some of my favorite posts during her pregnancy were her 'Letters to Tuck,' which she's continued even after he's been born.  It was such a great idea I wanted to get some notes into Griffin while he was still cooking.  :)




Dear Griffin,
Your daddy and I got to see you for the fourth time last week, and we got the exciting news that you are a boy! Daddy had the biggest smile on his face when he heard that news.  Seeing his smile at that moment has to be one of the best moments of my life!  I know his mind was going crazy already imagining taking you to baseball games, playing catch, playing legos, and getting to be 'boys' together.  As your mama, I am excited to imagine lots of cuddle time and reading before bed.  I hope we have as sweet a relationship as some of my friends do with their little boys!

We have lots of big dreams for you, little man, but no dream bigger than wanting you to live a life you are happy with and knowing that you are loved by your family! Family is very important to your daddy and me, and we have included some of our favorite family members during this process. Your Aunt Emily and Uncle Travis have been asked to be your godparents, and they are so excited about this!  Having you baptized has been something your daddy and I feel really strongly about, and your Dad already has lots of plans for that particular day. (You'll find some humor in the things your Dad likes to latch on to when planning!)  Your grandparents are also really excited for your arrival - especially your Papa Phil who is excited about having another PGB in the family!

Right now you are kicking away in my belly, and your Daddy and I are anxious to begin feeling those kicks from the outside of my belly, but all in good time, my sweets! We already love you so much, Griffin!

Love,
Mama

Blog Every Day in May: 10 Words

Some friends and me at our finest - doing the Angelina leg pose shadow-style

Day 10: Sell yourself in 10 words

So I'm cheating and following Jenny's lead on this one, because I have never been a good salesperson...and if it involves selling myself, well, that makes it doubly difficult.

So 10 words that I think sell me (as a friend)

compassionate
loyal
creative (when I'm not pregnant)
good-humored
extroverted
patient
forgiving
diplomatic
self-reliant
trustworthy

Done...and took me much longer than writing out 10 words should have!

Blog Every Day in May: Most Embarrassing Moment

Day 10: Most embarrassing moment(s). Spill.

This topic is one of the easiest, yet most miserable to write!  Ack! Here goes...

Right after Philip and I were married and during our last year of undergrad, we decided to move to Washington DC for a semester to pursue internship opportunities.  (Philip ended up going to OPIC, and I went to the Department of Veteran's Affairs).  My life's existence at that point had been in a small town of 10,000, so moving to the big city was HUGE for me!  I was flying high at the thought I would be a real 'city girl' by the end of the semester.

My internship placement was facilitated by a internship program at one of the District's Universities, which specialized in placing minority students.  The first day the program's group of 10 met, was my second day in the District...and I was running late from trying to figure out the two-shuttle bus system from our housing to the campus. (Philip and I lived in housing different from most of the other students.)  Anyway...I was late, so I missed introductions. (This is an important piece of the story.)

(Seriously, my heart is pounding re-living this...)

So I walk in late, and sit down, and immediately the instructor goes into directions for the icebreaker...we are to take an index card, draw a picture of something that describes ourselves and pass it to the person on our left. The person on my right drew a generic happy face...like the Wal-Mart happy face...

(if you feel so inclined, let me know in the comments how YOU would've described that!)

So I accept my challenge and get started...

'"A" is a very happy person...she likes simple things....' (snickers from the other eight start bubbling up), but I continue 'she...etc, etc'

I honestly have no idea what else I said, but when I finished "A" was nice enough to let me in on the fact that 'she' was actually a 'he.'  He also enlightened us on his belief in a third gender concept, and that he didn't like putting labels on himself...hence the generic smiley face.  Awesome.

I know I sincerely apologized to him in front of the group, but I spent the rest of the day (following dismissal from our classes) crying and mortified, and unable to even THINK about going back the next day.  Philip and my mom both laughed at my gaffe, but clearly this was not even CLOSE to being funny to me yet (it still kind of isn't!)

I did go back to the group, and eventually found myself out to dinner with them a few weeks later, when they finally let me in on a little secret that most of us hadn't been privy to that first day.  "A" was a cross-dresser...and he spent most of his weekends in DC going to clubs dressed as a woman. (He even showed me his foam butt implants!) In addition, he made a very beautiful woman!

That first (disastrous) day I saw him, he had long wavy black hair that fell to his back and the most immaculately groomed eyebrows.  His clothes were not at all gender specific, just jeans and a t-shirt, and he wasn't necessarily tall or muscular in the way we may think of a typical male.  His name was a unique name that wouldn't have given clues to his gender identity in any way (the name he gave to the class wasn't his actual birth name, btw, and this was something explained BEFORE I made it to orientation).  I don't think anyone else would've had a clue coming in late to the class...at least I hope.  I think I was more horrified by the fact that I potentially embarrassed HIM and made a fool of my small town self in the process.

In the end it all shook out. As we had lunch later on in the semester, he never made me feel bad about what happened, and in some ways I wonder if he didn't take it as a compliment that I thought he really was a woman.  The entire situation was an eye opener to concepts in gender and sexual orientations that I'd never considered, and to this day I feel like it helped me to be a more open and compassionate person to those struggling with accepting themselves.  "A" still inspires me with his courage to be himself...or herself...or perhaps something in between.

Blog Every Day in May: A Moment

Day 9: A moment (or two) in your day...

I've started taking walks in the mornings to squeeze in a little physical activity instead of going to the dreaded gym...and have found my walk around our neighborhood's two lakes to be reflective and refreshing.  Yesterday morning these two geese were leading their three goslings? in a swim in the water...too sweet.  

Philip came home a little early from work to put his leg up, so we spent a little time outside next to the pool with the sunshine and cans of Pellegrino.  Piper has to have one of our hands on her at all times...such a needy little pup!  My roses are also blooming finally!

Blog Every Day in May: A Piece of Advice

Day 8: A piece of advice for others. Anything at all

I'm not usually the advice giving type.  It's likely from professors pounding it into my head during grad school that therapists are not there to give advice, rather they are there to listen and encourage the client to draw their own conclusions from their therapeutic session.  However, I'm committed to staying the course with this challenge, so if it's advice you want, it's advice you'll get!

My biggest piece of advice is twofold:

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Being kind is pretty self explanatory, but I'll give you a little background on why I feel this is important.  A few years ago I read a book by Karen Armstrong called '12 Steps to a Compassionate Life.'  The overarching theme of the book is that we can be the change in the world if we merely show compassion - compassion toward our fellow man or woman despite our social, religious, political, etc differences.  I just think the world could go a long way if people started being nice to each other...such a simple concept, yet something even I struggle with daily (especially if I am driving! Ha!)  So be kind...you don't know what is going on in another's life, many times we don't know what makes up their past or present...all we can control is ourselves, and being nice can make a significant difference to another person.

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Asking for help is also rather self-explanatory, but I will tell you that I struggle with this on a daily basis.  I think for me it is the fear of someone seeing my weaknesses that I avoid asking for help...which is really so silly.  I don't know why I put myself through the anxiety and the difficulty when a mere answer is just a question away.  (Like right now I really need help with the nursery, and it's been SO tough to ask for others' input!)

On a side note, I will say asking for help from a counselor early in my marriage made a HUGE difference, and if any person, married or engaged, asks for advice that's usually what I tell them: Don't be afraid to ask for help or see a marriage counselor.  Getting married at the ripe old age of 21 wasn't a mistake, but it's clear to me at age 30 (and even 23) that there is way more to marriage than just  eating dinner together and going to bed together...you have to learn how to communicate, how to fight and how to compromise.  Learning those lessons early on was a life saver (and having a partner committed to do the same makes a world of difference!)

What's the best advice you've ever received?

Blog Every Day in May: The Things You're Most Afraid Of

Before I get into the nitty-gritty of my next post, I have to give a special shout out to my husband, Philip.  Today we are celebrating 9 years of marriage! I look back and I can't believe it's been that long, yet it feels like its gone by in the blink of an eye.  I am more thankful than ever to have met my perfect partner at 21, and I have no doubt that we will be able to tackle the next phase of our marriage... parenthood! Griffin is so lucky to have you for his dad!

A couple of kids: May 7, 2004

We're having a boy! 

So anyway...back to business...things I'm most afraid of...

1. Since becoming pregnant, my biggest fear is that something will go wrong with the baby. It's really difficult NOT to worry about that, and I think it definitely has to do with maternal instinct kicking in...there is no telling how many things I've googled out of pure fear of harming my child! (Seat warmers in the car are safe, by the way)

2.  Something happening to Philip...so this almost came true a few weeks ago, and now that we have a baby on the way (what IS it about these babies that put the fear of God in you?!) I am even more worried!  What happened was Philip acquired a blood clot (or two...or six) on our way back from London.  We believe it to be a genetic thing but brought on by the 10 hour flight home, but we were lucky to have caught it in time.  He was immediately hospitalized and has spent the last few weeks recuperating (and trying to walk) on the leg with the two clots (the other four were in his lungs) .  It was definitely a scary time, and one I am not anxious to re-live anytime soon.  The prayer I pray after the health of our baby is the health of my husband.

3.  Spiders...I know, this is lame, but I can't even LOOK at a spider in a book or magazine without getting the heebie-jeebies. Yuck!  They just freak me out...I think it stems from a rather horrendous moment in childhood...which...I'm just not even willing to go there in my mind - you'll have to take my word for it!

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That probably sums up my greater fears...anything you're afraid of that sends you into anxiety fits over the thought? I'd love to hear it!

Here Comes the Son

So, I mentioned a while back that I experienced a miscarriage at the beginning of November.  It was my first ever pregnancy - a complete and beautiful blessing for us, and something we'd been waiting over a year to finally happen.  I mean, Philip and I were just over the top excited.  We couldn't wait to share the news with our family and closest friends, so you can understand the devastation was something that I couldn't quite grasp for (what felt like) a really long time.

I kind of went a little crazy trying to soak up answers - why did this happen? where was God in all of this?  what does this mean for me and things I believe?  I did a LOT of journaling, a lot of reading and even more praying...even when it didn't feel like I was saying much in my prayers, I am certain God was soaking up every inch of my heartache.  Bless Philip's heart, he heard me ramble over and over about how confused I was, how sad I was...I think he was probably dreading every time the two of us had a few quiet moments because I would bring up that tiny little life we lost too soon.  One particular evening in early December, we were driving home from some event downtown, and (no surprise here) I was feeling particularly sad and wistful over our loss.  The Beatles' 'Here Comes The Sun' came on satellite radio. You know the one - it's a catchy little tune sung by George Harrison.  It's been one of my favorite songs for a long time, but as I heard it this particular night the words consumed me:

'Little darling, it's been a long, cold lonely winter'

'Litttle darling, it feels since years since its been here'

'Here comes the sun'

'Here comes the sun'

'It's alright'

That was exactly how I felt - like I was in the midst of a long, cold lonely winter.  It didn't feel like there was an end in sight, yet the comfort and the hope of 'it's alright' stuck with me.  I didn't hear that song much over the next few weeks, but this song is notorious for getting stuck in my head, so I wasn't surprised when I would randomly start singing it. 

Fast forward to January 11th - Philip and I were gearing up for a pretty social weekend with a dinner date on Friday and our monthly dinner party with friends on Saturday.  Having just taken a pregnancy test on New Year's Eve, I figured I was in the clear, but a little nagging feeling kept at me, so that Friday morning of the 11th I took another test to ease my mind a little bit.........and lo and behold, two lines popped up.  I couldn't believe my eyes - total and complete shock!  Seeing as how I was convinced these symptoms were all in my mind - not at all planning on getting a positive result,  I had waited to take the test until Philip had already left for work.  He was a little confused as to why I would call him so soon after he left, but I couldn't possibly wait to try to surprise him in a completely original way.  I basically just blurted out, 'I took a pregnancy test and it was positive!'   

He was pretty shocked as well, but I could hear his smile over the phone. I was cautiously overjoyed to put it mildly.  We agreed right away that we wanted to keep the news just between the two of us until we knew we were in the clear, so for several agonizing weeks we waited and prayed and saw the doctor.  

The doctor got me in to the office rather quickly to confirm the pregnancy and gave me an order for an ultrasound whenever I was ready.  I was so nervous to schedule that appointment and pretty much waited until the last minute to make the appointment.  I was scared beyond measure of having a repeat of November, but God is good, and bless it's little heart, the heartbeat was just a flickering away!  Talk about a flood of relief...I could let myself get excited!  They dated me at six weeks, four days, with a due date of September 22nd.  We are going to have a baby!

We shared the news with our families following the ultrasound, and everyone was ecstatic..and very surprised!  Baby and I took very good care of ourselves and at each appointment and ultrasound, a little piece of my fear and worry has been chipped away.

Last week we went for the 'BIG' ultrasound...the ultrasound where you find out whether you'll be parenting a boy or a girl.  Philip had been convinced the entire pregnancy it would be a boy, and I, based on those scientific wives' tales (just kidding) just KNEW it would be a girl.

At 10:32,  we found out that we were for certain having a BOY.  (Mama was a little shocked! haha! But very happy!)

Griffin should be joining us in the latter half of September, and we couldn't be more happy!

Here Comes the Son :)

Blog Every Day in May: What Do I Do?

Day 6: If you couldn't answer with your job, how would you answer the question, 'what do you do?'

For about the last nine months I've been a housewife.  It's something I'm always a little (okay, a lot) embarrassed to tell people because I am afraid of the assumptions that come when I verbalize that answer.  (The two coming to mind are that I'm lazy or was fired from my last job -OR- that I'm a spoiled wife who doesn't feel like she needs to work.)  The part that bothers me with the former is that I left my job by choice and for a reason not many people know about.  You see, my husband and I had struggled with infertility for about a year when we came the decision together for me to stay at home to remove some of the stressors from my life.  The issue with the latter...well, I don't think anyone wants to be thought of as spoiled or entitled to a life of leisure, and to be honest...keeping house can be a lot of work!  But I digress...

So really, the answer to the question 'what do you do?' conjures up a variety of mish-mashed answers...the first one being that I'm a wife.  This sounds really weird to say, but I was never one of those girls who couldn't wait to have a bunch of kids...but I really, really wanted to be a wife!  Something about the companionship and the fun of getting to live, eat and travel with one person always sounded very appealing to me.  While marriage is never an easy ride, I relish my role as a wife more than ever before.

The second role is as a mama-to-be!  We were very fortunate to become pregnant (after a miscarriage in November) again this winter, and I am enjoying my time planning (or plotting!) out a nursery and the idea of being mama to a little boy!  I think right now that consumes about 70% of my thoughts every day! Ha!

My third role would be as a volunteer/care person.  I was asked a few weeks ago to begin Compassionate Care Ministry training at our church, which something I am very excited about!  As much as I enjoy my life as a housewife, I didn't get a master's in Counseling for nothing, and I'm thrilled to be able to put it to work on an as-needed basis.  CCM will give me the opportunity to provide support and care to those hurting or needing comfort within our church.  I just love it when God opens doors!

So there you have it - what I do.  I know these roles will evolve and change, but for now I am certainly relishing the present.

Blog Every Day in May: A Profession of Love

Day Five: Publicly profess your love and devotion for one of your blogger friends. What makes them great? Why do you love them?

This one is almost too easy to answer!  Lauren from Aspiring Kennedy is easily the blogger I am hands down crazy about!  AK is a combination lifestyle and travel blog, and it is usually the first blog I check every day.  Although we aren't friends IRL, my husband hears about Lauren or her blog probably on a weekly basis...if not a post she's written, it is about an Instagram photo or some random something I've remembered her posting in the past!  I stumbled upon her blog through another great blog Fairytales are True (which I'll talk about another time) back in the Fall of 2011. Lauren grabbed my heart from the get-go with her blog title (I want to be a Kennedy so bad!) to her gorgeous life in England (I want to live in England so bad!)  So basically I love her so much because I enjoy living vicariously through her!  

This girl lives her life with a big heart and beautiful words.  She finds beauty in just about every experience and when the going gets tough, she still manages to find the silver lining.  Recently she gave birth to twin girls, and, sadly, only one of them made it.  I've always heard about how a community of bloggers can rally together, but I'd never witnessed it first hand.  It was a beautiful thing to watch and to read all of the comments and prayers written to Lauren regarding her loss.  Her 'Bassinet Half Full' was a testament to her grace and strength in what can only be described as the worst experience a parent can go through.

As I mentioned, Lauren lives in England (Notting Hill to be exact), and so she is always in-the-know* about must see sights and restaurants.  Philip and I recently spent 10 days in England, and Lauren's blog posts were a huge resource and help to planning our trip - everything from tea at The Orangery at Kensington Palace to spending a few days in the Lakes District were all inspired by posts from Aspiring Kennedy.  (So to her I say a big THANK YOU! for making our trip so wonderful!)

In creating my last blog and now this one, I've kept AK as inspiration for writing about the things I love in life, the positive atmosphere I want my blog, and the general grace I want to portray as a writer.  I truly don't feel like this post could ever do her justice, but I hope it was just enough for you all to want to check her out...I am certain you will find her as charming as I do!



*Her travel posts aren't just about England, but some of the other states and countries she's visited as well!

Blog Every Day in May: Favorite Quote

Day 4: Favorite quote (from a person, book, etc) and why

My go-to quote for life is from Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor:

Image found here

I've been through some struggles over the years (mostly relationship based within my family) and to me, this quote became my mantra in dealing with those struggles.  I had to learn how to change myself because there wasn't anything I could truly do about the situation.  (The Serenity Prayer is also a superb reflection of this same concept.)  Honestly, I had run myself ragged trying to figure out how to 'fix' the situation, when really I needed to fix myself.  I needed to come to terms with what I wanted in life and how I wanted to be perceived, and until I could do that, the situation could only control me.  I still refer to this quote or the Serenity Prayer when faced with a challenge in my every day life.

I also consider Frankl to be a total genius and much of my counseling practice was based around his methodology of Existential Therapy.  If you ever have a chance to read his book, 'Man's Search for Meaning' I highly recommend it.  It's a story of resilience and hope in one of the darkest times of history.  

Blog Every Day in May: Being Uncomfortable

Day 3: Things that make you uncomfortable.

So things that make me uncomfortable...I'm a little uncomfortable trying to verbalize what makes me uncomfortable!

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1.  Actually my number one uncomfortable moments usually begin with 'We need to talk...'  Every time I heard that phrase from my mom or dad as a kid I went into panic mode because I was terrified of getting in trouble!  It almost sounds like I was abused or something, but seriously I HATED getting in trouble or being told I'd made a mistake or did something wrong.  I definitely think this quirk has followed me into adulthood because even at my jobs I was always concerned about making a mistake...  Could it possibly be something called perfectionism? Haha

2.  Talking on the phone! I know that is crazy, but I really hate talking on the phone - especially if I'm having to call any type of medical office. Usually it's because the receptionists aren't the friendliest (or at least in my experiences) and so I feel automatically like I'm bothering them or something...I never like to be wrong or a bother!

3. Being one-on-one with someone who intimidates me or who has wreaked havoc on my self-esteem. I'd say this one is pretty self-explanatory.  I will say this is the one situation I usually force myself into even if I really don't want to do it.  And I'm pretty good about playing it cool if I have to. :)

4. Having to refuse someone or tell them they made a mistake (see Item 1)  I hate feeling like I could potentially hurt someone's feelings or make them feel less...so usually it's really, really, REALLY tough for me to be upfront...but again, I still make myself do it, even if I don't like it.

5. When my jeans are too tight around my bottom.  Jenni said uncomfortable, right?  I'd say this should include some physical aspect too!  I fully expect that my expanding belly will quickly be added to this list.

Hopefully these are rather normal 'uncomfortable' experiences and I'm not alone in this!  Do you have anything uncomfortable to add??

Blog Every Day in May: Day 2

Day 2: Educate us on something you know a lot about or are good at. Take any approach you'd like (serious and educational or funny and sarcastic)

So this one is a tricky one, and for as much as I would love to be funny and sarcastic...I just don't see it happening!  Anyway, here goes...

I love throwing parties...a good party with the perfect mix of people and food makes me happy, and I can't really think of anything that gives me greater satisfaction than people saying that they had a great time and hit it off with someone they'd never met before.  

Step 1: The Basics

Decide what type of party you want to have and when you want to have it.  This includes everything from the number of people you want to invite to the style of the party: casual (i.e. backyard bbq), dinner, theme-based, special occasion.   Sometimes it helps to start thinking of a guest list beforehand because you know that a specific group of people might enjoy something more casual than a formal sit down dinner.  Usually the ideas for my parties are born from wanting to see groups of friends without having to book up my calendar for a whole month of double dates!  When deciding who to invite I definitely think about how people will match up.  I have a handful of extroverted friends who make up a great guest list foundation.  I pretty much invite these people to every party I throw because they are great at making conversation, taking pressure off of me as a host!  Decide on a date and send out invitations...you can be as informal (a quick email) to formal (printed invitations).  Three weeks advance notice usually works for my parties, but if it is a particularly special occasion, the earlier you get it on your friends' calendars the better!  I also try to match the invitation to the type of party, for example I probably wouldn't send out an Evite for a baby shower, but wouldn't necessarily print out formal invitations for a backyard bbq. I feel like the invitation sets the tone for the party, and gives your guests an idea of what to expect!

Step 2: Style the Party 

Once you've decided on the number of people you want to invite and the style of the party, begin to brainstorm what you think the party should look like.   This is probably going to be your most lengthy step. For example, say I wanted to throw a backyard bbq/pool party.  Within this party I know I could reasonably handle about 10 couples or 20 people in my backyard (given that not everyone will be able to to make it.)  I would start by dreaming up the menu, which might consist of beef sliders with a wide variety of toppings, finger foods that could be easily grabbed by the handful (chips, veggies, fruits, and desserts)  I don't usually know ahead of time exactly what these food choices will look like, but Pinterest is a great place for getting ideas...maybe instead of offering up a veggie tray, I might put together a caprese salad skewer for guests to grab and enjoy.  After deciding the menu, I start thinking about decor.  Having a nice set up for guests to fix their plates, plenty of seating and possibly table space is important.  I also like to think ahead about what my guests will be doing.  If they'll be hopping in the pool, sunscreen, towels and pool noodles are great to have on hand.  Galvanized tubs with plenty of ice are perfect for stashing beer and bottles of water (all plastic of course!) If my party is going to go into the evening, some string lights for ambiance make a fun addition as the sun sets.  Sky is really the limit here, and being creative will make your party unique and fun! 

Step 3:  Make Lists

When it comes to planning, I am definitely a list maker.  How else am I going to remember to get all those toppings for my sliders?!  Make separate lists for food and decor and plan out your shopping accordingly. When I was working full time and planning my book club's holiday dinner party, I broke up my shopping so I was able to do it on my lunch break...planning ahead coupled with my lists made my evening preparation so much easier!  My mother-in-law also offered me a few great tips years ago.  First, she makes a list of the items needed to be cooked or baked what time they need to go in the oven, and how long they need to be cooked.  She also sets out all her serving dishes a few days ahead of time and labels what food will go in which dish.  It makes it so much easier to have it planned out so that you aren't running around trying to find a serving bowl the day of the event or realizing last minute that your brownies needed to go in an hour ago!

Step 4: Setting Up

Remember to set up and prep as much as you can ahead of time either the day before or as early in the day as possible.  Those caprese skewers could easily be put together the night before, and cookies or desserts made ahead of time.  My sliders would need to be cooked and kept on warm until the guests arrive, so it would be smart for me to wait until closer to party time!  I read once in Kate Spade's Occasions that when she hosts a party she always makes sure to be dressed and put together at least one hour before the party starts.  You never know who is going to be early, and you never want to feel like a frazzled, unkempt hostess!

Step 5:  Enjoy the Fruits of your Labor

This one is pretty self explanatory, but remember to be a good hostess!  Greet guests at the door and have someone designated (a spouse or a good friend) in the kitchen to be offering up drinks and directing guests to the party hub.  Introduce people who don't know each other and give them some common ground.  This can sometimes be challenging, but with a little practice it gets easier...and all the more reason to consider the guest list ahead of time - it makes it easy when you know you have two people who enjoy certain hobbies or sports, which they can use as a jumping off point for conversation.

Step 6: Evaluate Your Success

Another tip I got from my MIL was to keep an Event Journal.  After every holiday she writes down what worked and what didn't work for the party...everything from 'Everyone raved about the caprese skewers' to 'Maybe only provide cookies instead of an ice cream buffet because it melted!'  It's also a good idea to keep a list of the guests you invited or were able to come so that you know who to invite the next time.  Don't be too hard on yourself in your evaluation though...if even one person had a good time, your party was a success!

Blog Every Day in May Challenge: Day 1

I'm excited to be teaming up with Jenni to blog every day for the month of May!  Seeing as how consistent my posts were in my last blog, you can imagine that I am up for a challenge (to say the least!)  But I've been needing a swift kick to get back in the swing of things, which makes this an even better idea than anything I could dream up!

Day 1, Wednesday: The story of your life in 250 words or less (or one paragraph...no one will be counting your words...probably)

I was born and raised in a pretty idyllic small town in Western Oklahoma to very young parents.  I had an interesting upbringing in that one side of my family was very business oriented and somewhat formal and the other was very laid back and fun loving.  I feel like this was really the best of both worlds because not only was I exposed to lots of love from both sides, but I got such unique experiences from each.  On one side I was almost like my grandparent's fourth daughter (minus the discipline!), and on the other, I got plentiful exposure to the arts and business world.  Having both extremes has helped me feel comfortable in most situations.

By the time I was entering college, I was pretty underwhelmed by my small town existence and longed for bigger things (and brighter cities) when I met my husband Philip.  We dated six months before getting engaged and were married just ten months later.  I really feel like the life I was supposed to live began not long after we were married, and Philip has been the biggest reason I have been able to discover who I am really meant to be.  I am so thankful for my marriage! About six years after we tied the knot, I went back to school to pursue a masters degree in Counseling.  I LOVED my studies and found a lot of satisfaction in completing the program with honors.  For now I am content to be a housewife and volunteer, and we looking forward to a baby boy joining us come September!